Parking the Car - Permanently

It is one of the most contentious issues between an aging parent and a family caregiver ... driving. Just when should a senior give up the car keys?

Legally, one must consider one's own provincial/territorial legislation - part of which will be to ensure public safety on all public roads and highways. Emotionally, it is a completely different matter! After a lifetime of driving a much-loved vehicle, seniors don't often feel obliging to simply parking the car - permanently. However, for the safety of your parent, yourself and other motorists and pedestrians, you must step in.

Depending on your own city / town, there are often numerous transportation alternatives for a senior: family members acting as chaffeurs, taxis, public transit and senior's driving services. You must seek out these options and convince your parent that these are viable choices. Expect your parent to remain stubborn - winning this argument is much like a parent convincing a child to finish eating his/her vegetables. This will take both resourcefulness and creativity on your part. If you need some help getting started, here are a few proven suggestions:

Disregard your parent's age when making this decision. How old Mom or Dad is currently is of little importance ... the primary concern will be his/her abilities behind the steering wheel.

Enlist your loved one's doctor or the local police department. Such professionals are more frequently listened to than family caregivers.

Supply Mom or Dad a set of non-functioning car keys. This may seem a little devious; however, you can guarantee that the parental car will never leave the garage or driveway without your knowing about it.

Sell the parental car. List this privately or offer it to a second-hand vehicle dealer. When the time came for my mother to stop driving, I returned her (then new!) car to the dealer where she had purchased this just a couple of months prior. The dealer was delighted to take this car back as it remained in premium condition and had very low mileage.

Present your case as a collective body. If you can discuss this issue with other siblings present, do so. It may help you actually rehearse what you are going to say (role play!) and remember not to "gang up" on your parent.

Change your focus. Instead of arguing with Mom or Dad that they cannot drive anymore (an argument you will rarely win ...), approach the discussion more calmly. Explain that you are worried for their safety ... how can Mom or Dad disbelieve that?