Practicing the Three P's with Family Caregiving Meetings

In families large or small, it is often necessary for siblings to meet and discuss plans for parental care. Considering the contentious issues involved here, these can be eruptive times (not everybody will agree on the most appropriate long-term facility, plans for death, assigned caregiving responsibilities, Mom or Dad's health prognosis and so on). Each adult child may come to the table with a completely different idea or approach to solving a problem. With Mom or Dad's health, safety and comfort involved (as priority number one) and maintaining family harmony (as priority number two), adult children must learn to work together and compromise. An easy way to do this is remember the three P's of family meetings:

Plan. Before leaving on a trip, you will map out where you want to go, locate your passport (if required) and collect what you want to pack along in your suitcase. With a detailed agenda, less can go wrong. Similarily, prior to a family caregiving meeting, plan what you want to discuss and what you want to accomplish. Collect what you need for supporting information (e.g. medical records, bank financial statements. pamphlets on long-term care centre choices and so on). Can you provide photocopies of this information to your siblings before you get together? Doing this will create a far more productive meeting. Another useful planning tool is an agenda ... draw up a weekly chart listing what needs to be done and naming who will be responsible for each task.

Partnering. Let everybody at your meeting have their say in an equal amount of time. When one sibling monopolizes the conversation, another sibling may well feel slighted. Even if the entire family does not immediately agree on the next course of action, the people in your group will feel more accountable and heard. Perhaps assign someone as your meeting's timer? He/she could time each speaker with a small stop watch and ring a bell when the alotted time is up.

Peace. If you are concerned with things getting out of hand at your own family meetings, bring in someone from the outside to monitor the proceedings. This person should be calm, capable and competent when it comes to leading a group (some examples of possible group leaders include mutual friends, members of the clergy and/or social workers). Try to choose your group leader by consensus. If not everybody agrees, then hold a vote to decide.

Hopefully, remembering and practicing these three P's with your family caregiving meetings will help you and your siblings work together and compromise. While you all may not immediately agree on what to do or how to do it, you will surely agree that your parent needs your attention and the best care possible at this time.