I often wonder about friends of caregivers who try to console by sympathetically saying, "I understand what you're going through". But do they really understand? I personally believe that a person cannot really comprehend what a caregiver goes through unless he/she has done it personally. Maybe that is the "visual" side of me speaking; however, this makes perfect sense as one often has to experience something to truly understand it.
There are far better responses. First, try to learn what you can about your friend's parent's health condition. Go to the library or surf the Internet to gain knowledge. Just please be mindful of the on-line source ... perhaps look at the writer's credentials and/or the date of the last update of the material written. With learning more about a health condition, you can speak more knowledgeably about it.
Second, just listen. As I have learned from getting out in the public eye and promoting my book, caregivers do want to talk - I have heard many stories of aging parents and the related troubles. I believe the key here is for the person caregivers choose to dialogue with must be trustworthy. As for me? Caregivers obviously know that I have gone through a similar experience and I can relate. Yes, I can do so and I can sympathize - another important characteristic. Often, just allowing a caregiver to vent will allow him/her to release some pent up frustration and stress.
Third, ask how you can help. Assistance can take many forms ... perhaps you can look after the caregiver's own children for the day to allow some much-needed respite time? Maybe you can save a caregiver the trip to the grocery store by doing this yourself? Possibly you can shovel their sidewalks clear of snow? As you can see, "help" does not always mean hands-on help. Even the offer of help can be greatly appreciated by a caregiver.
By all means, continue to sympathize and support caregivers, but please think twice before saying, "I understand what you are going through". Do you truly understand?
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