The Changing Significance of Holidays

Holidays take on a completely different meaning after a loved one passes. I am reminded of this with Father's Day fast-approaching. Father's Day was the last day I saw Dad alive ... the family had a nice dinner with him and he seemed to be in good health and in good spirits. We walked him back to his room afterward and I hugged him good-bye (how was I to know that this would be the final hug I would ever give him?). The very next night I received an unexpected and tragic phone call from the LPN on-duty at Dad's continuing care centre to explain that Dad had just died ... care staff were putting him to bed and he appeared to have a stroke.

So, as many others celebrate their fathers on Father's Day, I am routinely reminded of his death. I don't write this to solicit pity ... it is simply an observation that Father's Day has become far more for me than giving Dad a tacky tie. I continue to honour and remember Dad and offer this advice to you to do the same when the time comes. While the memories of Mom/Dad will long remain, your life will continue. Grieving, as I have heard and believe, is a personal process and cannot be rushed.

So, how can you remember and honour your loved one on holidays? The choice remains yours but here are a few suggestions:

Partake in something your loved one enjoyed. With Dad always appreciating a good walk, I will likely get out and stretch my legs for a while. What did your parent love to do? Can you continue this tradition?

Read old letters. Did you save old correspondence between you and your parent(s)? If so, you can dig out these old letters. By reading them again, you can remember the special times.

Donate to a charity. Was there a cause near and dear to your own mother's/father's heart? If so, make a donation in your parent's name.

Remember: Take some time to visit with your other family members to recall and share stories from the past. Dad liked to read out loud to me and my sisters ... with this story being frequently told, it speaks volumes as to the importance of this activity for each of us.

Create new traditions. While you can keep many of the family traditions, why not introduce new ones? I am thinking more of Christmas right now when another family member could carve the roasted turkey.

Holidays do not have to be filled with sorrow. When you are ready to do so, look at ways to create new memories and make those holidays more joyful.