Saying "Yes" and "No"

Caregivers need to know when to say, “Yes” and when to say, “No”. Far too often, however, caregivers remain silent instead of speaking up.

Let’s face facts … caregivers often load far too much on their plates and then become stressed out or unhealthy due to having too much on their plates. Other family members, friends, neighbours and so on can easily realize this and offer to help. When this happens, take off your “Super Caregiver” costume and let others assist. You cannot – and should not – try to manage everything independently. Agreeing to help will make your job much easier and more manageable. Maybe you won’t have to take the afternoon off of work to accompany a parent to the doctor’s office? Perhaps a sibling could pick up the groceries for you this week? Might a friendly neighbour have a snowblower and offer to save you the back-breaking work of shoveling snow?

Conversely, caregivers also need to learn to say “No” when things become uncomfortable or overwhelming. Years ago when my parents remained alive but were failing health-wise, I recall declining an invitation to attend a work Christmas party … I was simply not in the mood to celebrate. While I was nervous to explain this, my office colleagues understood and were supportive of my decision. I did not join in the fun that year and my world did not come crashing down around me!

So, when you need a hand, please ask for it and accept help when offered from others. When you feel like the walls are closing in around you, it’s okay to say “no”. Trust me, you will feel better for saying something!