Sandwich Generation Caregivers - A Special Breed

As mentioned previously, anyone can become a caregiver at any time. Different experiences will affect a caregiver's role and impact with another as well as that caregiver's personal life and well-being. I'd like to spend some time to focus on the the "sandwich generation" caregiver - an individual who, typically, feels more pressure and demands than others.

The so-called "sandwich generation" caregivers are those caught between two generations ... they are in a relationship with children but also have been called upon to help aging parents. Both parties are very important, but how can one person be in two different places at one time? You simply cannot always drive your child to a friend's place, monitor his/her homework, participate in play or protect him/her from a schoolyard bully when you are also required to take Mom/Dad to a doctor's appointment or even put on a pair of shoes.

Without having children of my own, I consider myself fortunate when I was a co-caregiver for both of my own senior parents. I did, however, view how my older sister (with two children) was often torn between her obligations. Children and aging parents both have demands to be met - but who takes priority? Not too mention, caregivers must also consider their own self-care and must avoid doing too much.

How can you make it work?

Seek balance: Looking after yourself is always vital for caregivers. but it becomes even more important when you are of the "sandwich generation". This has to be one of the most difficult lessons for a caregiver to learn. Whatever you can do in remembering you and your own needs should become a priority. While you will be asked to be in different places at one time, you, realistically, cannot do so and must learn to say "no". Your own personal health cannot be overlooked - in fact, without properly looking after yourself, you cannot properly look after another person (young or old). You don't have to go to great extremes to look after yourself. Try going for a walk in the park, meeting a friend for coffee or spending an hour browsing through a museum. Anything you can do to break away from your own caregiving responsibilities will be therapeutic (mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally).

Involve your own family: Depending on your children's ages, perhaps they could become more involved? Ask them to tidy up around the house, help out with making dinner or visit Grandma/Grandpa in a long-term care centre. If your children are able to do this, it will lighten your own work load and make things easier. By all means, also involve your significant other/spouse/partner as well. If nothing else, explain to him/her what you are experiencing and ask for understanding and support. Create a weekly schedule for your own family and, by all means, delegate tasks to others to complete.

Seek professional assistance: Depending on your own financial situation, hiring a personal caregiver to visit with Mom/Dad and tend to daily needs can be well worth it. Another option might be a day program (offered through senior's associations or local hospitals) where Mom/Dad can go to for a day or so per week. Healthcare staff will safely monitor your loved one and allow you some time away - I did this with my own father and was amazed how much better I felt with knowing that Dad was being well looked after.

As a "sandwich generation" caregiver, you can be in a precarious position as you are, essentially, trying to juggle the care and lives of many others: your children, your parents and yourself. There can also be increased demands placed on your career and relationships. By trying to stretch yourself as far as possible, something will, eventually, break. Step back, acknowledge that you are only one person and admit that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot get your daughter to dance class, pick up some groceries and make sure that Mom/Dad's shoelaces are securely tied all simultaneously.